When I met my husband, it was love at first sight. We went from giving each other eyes in the breakroom, to husband and wife…real quick. While everything happened fast, it never felt rushed. I had (and still) have no doubt that this is the man God saved just for me. We both knew we wanted a family and often talked about our dreams of having a baby girl, we would name her Jasmine. We decided to start trying to conceive on our wedding night (inserts magical instrumental). I just knew we would be one of those lucky couples that would get pregnant on the first try…..boy was I wrong.
After a couple months of trying with no results I had no worries because “I was only 31 and we still have time”. Around month six, my body and mind started to play a sick joke on me. My period was extremely late, I was emotional and at one point I could’ve swore I felt my something growing inside of me. I took several test and all of them were negative. After this, I decided it was time to see my gynecologist. He ordered all the preliminary bloodwork and sent my husband for a sperm analysis. My labs came back normal, as well as the sperm analysis. The next step was a HSG which is a process where dye is injected into the fallopian tubes to determine if there is any blockage or scar tissue. As I laid on the table waiting for the procedure to start, so many thoughts ran through my head, one thought being “I may leave here today with one of my biggest hopes and dreams shattered” Not even one minute into to the procedure I knew something was wrong. The pain was unbearable, but the physical pain was nothing compared to hearing that there was actually a problem. One of my tubes was blocked. I left there with a diagnosis of hydrosalpinx, which means one of my fallopian tubes is filled with fluid which inhibits my ability to conceive. I felt sad, angry, guilty, and defeated all at once.As I am still going through this process, I can say I have reached a place of acceptance, however I’m still hopeful. At times I still get sad, when I think that there is a possibility that I may never hold a child with my husbands eyes or when my loved ones who know how bad I want a child try to encourage me and say things like “I know it’s going to happen for you” and I wonder if they really believe it or if they’re trying to ease the pain.
After seeing several specialist, I feel God has other plans for our family. No matter where this journey takes us, I know we were meant to be parents,there is too much love between the two of us not to share it. I am still trusting God to heal my body, but right now I chose to focus on his plan , taking care of me, and preparing for our ‘chosen child’. ❤